When well-meaning friends and family try to help us overcome anxiety and overthinking, they often say the same thing: ‘Just stop overthinking.’ But what if this advice is not only unhelpful but also misguided?
The Problem with Overthinking Advice
Overthinking is a common phenomenon that can be triggered by even the smallest of events, such as a rejection or a flash of embarrassment. When we experience these events, our brain tries to make sense of them, but often, it gets stuck in a loop of thoughts, replaying the same scenarios over and over.
But what if I told you that overthinking is not just a cognitive problem, but also an emotional one? What if your mind is not spinning into loops because it loves suffering, but rather because something in your body needs to be felt?
Emotional Avoidance and the Loop of Thoughts
Research shows that the more we individualize a response, the more stressed out we eventually become. The overthinking loop is not solving the problem you are facing; rather, it keeps you from the raw feeling so you don’t have to face it.
Consider Yolanda, who spent three hours rehearsing a difficult conversation with her boss. Yet she never acknowledged to herself that underneath, she was feeling terrified of being fired. This is an example of emotional avoidance, where we try to solve the problem through thinking, rather than facing our emotions head-on.
The Trigger Is Often Small
Overthinkers usually think their spiral means something is deeply wrong. In reality, from my counseling practice, the original trigger is frequently mundane. I have heard accounts of a small rejection, a flash of embarrassment, or a moment of transient uncertainty.
But because the feeling never got acknowledged, the brain keeps returning to the scene. It hunts for a resolution that can come only from acknowledging the feelings, not from seeking certainty in an uncertain world. For example, David spent two days obsessing over why his friend had not texted him back. Really, what was going on was him escalating a transient feeling of ‘I don’t matter,’ which he did not allow himself to feel.
The Path Out of Overthinking Is Through Your Body
Nothing may be more counterintuitive than realizing that you don’t think your way out of overthinking. Instead, you drop out of it through your body. The brain gets quiet when the body finally gets heard.
For example, Kim was looping on meeting her boyfriend’s parents for hours. When she paused, put her hand on her chest, and said, ‘I feel nervous,’ she felt less physically tense, and her thought spiral went away. She learned that her overthinking mind wasn’t broken. Rather, it was working overtime on a job that did not belong to it.
By acknowledging and processing our emotions, we can break free from the loop of thoughts and find a more peaceful and fulfilling life. It’s time to rethink the advice we give to those who struggle with overthinking and instead, focus on helping them connect with their emotions and find a more authentic way of living.
Overthinking is not just a cognitive problem, but also an emotional one. By acknowledging and processing our emotions, we can break free from the loop of thoughts and find a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
