As I sat in the castle library, shielding myself from the blistering sun, I realized that self-care was not just a necessity but a vital part of managing my bipolar disorder. It’s a delicate balance between being social and taking care of my own needs.

Overstimulation and Sensory Gating

Research has shown that individuals with bipolar disorder often experience impaired sensory gating, making it difficult for the brain to regulate its sensitivity to incoming stimuli. This can lead to feelings of overwhelm and overstimulation, making everyday situations, like a wedding, feel like a sensory nightmare.

My own experience with sensory overload is a stark reminder of the importance of self-care. On that particular day, the sound of the 100-plus guests and the nearby chamber orchestra created a cacophony that felt like a buzzing in my ears. I’ve often wondered if my bipolar disorder contributes to my frequent bouts of overstimulation. The answer lies in the impaired sensory gating, which makes it challenging for me to cope with too much incoming sensory stimulation.

The psychiatric medications I take can also exacerbate this issue, causing extreme photosensitivity, an exaggerated reaction to sunlight, which I already have as a redhead. But what good did all that research do me now, when life had turned too Technicolor for comfort or for safety?

Self-Care and Breaking Free from Expectations

That day, I decided to prioritize my own needs over the expectations of others. I took care of myself, not because I wanted to be selfish or rude, but because I needed to be different. I chose to sit in the library, shielded from the sun, and ignore the social pressures that come with attending a wedding. It was a hard decision to make, but it was one that ultimately led to a sense of relief and self-acceptance.

Self-care is not just about taking care of our physical needs; it’s also about acknowledging and accepting our mental limitations. It’s about recognizing that we can’t always be ‘normal’ and that it’s okay to be different. By taking care of ourselves, we can break free from the expectations of others and find a sense of peace and acceptance in our own uniqueness.

Breaking Down Barriers and Embracing Differences

That wedding was a celebration of love, but it was also a reminder that self-care is essential for good mental and physical health. It’s a message that I want to share with others, particularly those who, like me, live with bipolar disorder.

By embracing our differences and taking care of ourselves, we can break down the barriers that often come with mental health conditions. We can create a more inclusive and accepting environment, where people feel comfortable being themselves, without fear of judgment or rejection.

As I sat in that library, shielded from the sun, I realized that self-care is not just a necessity but a vital part of managing my bipolar disorder. It’s a reminder that we all have the power to choose how we take care of ourselves and that by doing so, we can create a more compassionate and understanding world.