The Power of Engagement in Conversations
Imagine being in a situation where you’re forced to engage in a conversation with someone you don’t know well, about a topic you find dull. Perhaps it’s a coworker at the break room, a stranger at an event, or a neighbor in the elevator. While it may be tempting to try to avoid such conversations, research suggests that leaning into these ‘boring’ chats can have a profound impact on your mental and physical health.
A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explored the effects of engaging in conversations about topics people usually find dull. The study involved nine experiments featuring 1,800 participants, who were asked to predict how much they would enjoy talking about a range of topics they identified as boring. These included World Wars I and II, nonfiction books, math, onions, the stock market, cats, and vegan diets.
The researchers found that while participants said they expected the conversations to be pretty lame, they reported afterward that they enjoyed them much more than they thought they would. This even happened when both people in the conversation thought a topic was boring.
The Importance of Engagement
According to the study’s lead author, Elizabeth Trinh, being engaged in the conversation is what really matters. ‘Engagement drives enjoyment more than topic does,’ she explains. ‘People assume that interest comes from having a fascinating subject. But in reality, what makes conversations enjoyable is the sense of connection like feeling heard, responding to each other, and discovering unexpected details about someone’s life.’
Dr. Trinh recommends keeping an open mind when it comes to future conversations. ‘We may be missing out on connection because we misjudge how conversations will feel,’ she says. ‘If we avoid talking to someone because we assume it will be boring, we may be unnecessarily depriving ourselves of small moments of connection that could improve our mood and sense of belonging.’
The Benefits of Social Connection
Experts stress that these little ‘boring’ conversations can have a big impact on our health. Not only will we likely find that we enjoy ‘boring’ conversations more than we expected, but they can also keep us from feeling lonely.
Loneliness is not just about how many people someone sees, but also whether interactions feel connecting and meaningful. Side-stepping a ‘boring’ chat is likely to increase our sense of loneliness. According to Dr. Nicholas Allan, loneliness on its own is a horrible feeling, but it can also have a big impact on our health, raising the risk of serious health conditions like heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, dementia, and early death.
The Impact of Small Moments of Connection
Dr. Allan suggests that over time, those small ‘boring’ moments can build on each other, decreasing our feelings of loneliness and the health risks that come with them. ‘When we find a way to be engaged with other people, it meets that need to connect with others,’ he says.
However, it’s essential to note that not all social contact is beneficial. ‘More contact is not automatically better,’ Dr. Allan explains. ‘What seems to matter most is whether the interaction feels respectful, reciprocal, and emotionally safe. Positive connection helps. Depleting or hostile interactions do not.’
The Power of Connection in Everyday Life
Experts agree that these little ‘boring’ conversations can have a profound impact on our lives. ‘Being a lifelong learner can be very powerful,’ Dr. Thea Gallagher says. ‘At the end of the day, connecting with humans can make us feel good.’
