Raising a boy who doesn’t like sports is a daunting task in a culture that glorifies athleticism. In the United States, where sports are a staple of childhood, boys who don’t participate in sports are often marginalized and teased by their peers.
Source: cdn2.psychologytoday.com
Signs of Nonathletic Boys in Trouble
Nonathletic boys may exhibit specific behaviors in school that suggest they’re having trouble socially. They may complain of bellyaches, headaches, or general ‘I don’t feel well’ on gym days. You might find them hanging along the sidelines of physical activities or looking uncomfortable in unstructured social situations, such as waiting for assembly, standing outside during a fire drill, or walking from the classroom to the school library.
These boys often find ways to stay close to adults during playtimes or other free, unstructured times, as it feels safer with less risk of being judged. They may go to the bathroom frequently before gym class or recess.
Helping Your Non-Sporty Son Navigate the Social Challenges of Childhood
One of the most important issues at hand is recognizing when your child might be experiencing problems in school or among his peers related to his not enjoying or participating in sports. Parents can encourage their child’s school to provide game activities for kids who don’t like high-exertion activities but who also don’t want to get stuck with only the swings as an alternative.
Games like knock hockey, air hockey, and foosball, and an oversized Jenga set offer great alternatives and safe havens for boys who are looking for non-contact, interactive activities or who simply need to be doing something. Schools could adopt short-session modules in which parent or teacher volunteers run programs on introductory fencing, raft making, or boomerang throwing—novel activities that draw on a variety of skill sets.
Schools can also be encouraged to identify boys a grade or two older who could be responsible for making sure everyone has something to do during recess and other unstructured times. These boys would be the same kids who had been invited to be hallway guards, guides for new students, and the like.
Direct your child toward physical activities, games, and sports that will capitalize on his natural strengths. Some boys gravitate toward sports where they have more control over the game itself, such as archery or table tennis, or opt for more solitary activities such as hiking or biking. Others just don’t like competing at all or like it only in nonphysical, nonsporting arenas, such as chess or music.
Process sports experiences together with your nonathletic son. If he doesn’t naturally gravitate toward sports and you’re encouraging him to get more involved in them, try to keep an open dialogue going on between the two of you about his experiences, and yours. This is especially important if there is any question about your son’s enjoyment of or comfort with sports, or any question about to whom it matters more that he plays—you or him.
Give him opportunities to say, ‘I really don’t want to play this but I feel like if I don’t you’ll be mad at me.’ Give yourself opportunities to say, ‘I’ve worried about that, and don’t want you to feel as if you have to do a certain activity in order to win my approval. I just want you to feel that you can join a game of basketball or baseball so that you don’t always wind up on the outside looking in. But if that sounds like the last thing you’d ever want to do, say so, and we’ll move on to finding activities that you genuinely want to do, and that will be the end of that.’
Help your son learn to value his intellect and education. If you discover that being smart or educated is not valued by your child’s peer group at school, then make a point to value it more visibly at home. Keep the matter light, so your kids don’t brace against conversations you might try to start about the books or movies you love, or about interesting current events.
Talk about men who are recognized and respected for their diplomacy, intellect, or capacity to appreciate multiple perspectives. Talk about men you know in your family or circle of friends who are impassioned about music, theater, or other art forms. By valuing his intellect and education, you’ll help your son develop a more nuanced and compassionate understanding of the world.
In our sports-crazed culture, a boy who isn’t into sports or is not very good at them needs most of all to know that there are at least some people in his life who value the non-physical traits and developed skills and natural talents that he brings to the table. He’ll also do well to have someone who helps him remain patient through the elementary school years during which non-physical traits earn little social capital, even if appreciated by friends, teachers, and the like.
As they grow into men, such boys offer a beautiful counterpoise to our nation’s cacophonous society where, in order to get anyone’s attention, you have to be bigger and brasher than the others—a beautiful expansion of modern masculinity.
