When Influencers Become Family Therapists
In today’s digital age, social media influencers have become a significant force in shaping public opinion and influencing people’s lives. However, their impact can be both positive and negative, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like family relationships and mental health.
An influencer with two million followers can change your adult child’s perception of you in just 60 seconds. This is because certainty sells, and people are drawn to instant relief, even if it comes at the cost of nuance and context.
A teary-eyed father shared with me his son’s transformation after watching a self-described ‘trauma-coach’ on TikTok. The ‘coach’ had no license, no credentials, just a ring light, a charismatic personality, and a huge following. The son’s language and tone changed overnight from ‘I’m still trying to figure out what went down when you raised me’ to ‘I now see you are a narcissist, and that explains everything!’
The 60-Second Diagnosis
In my parent coaching work, I’ve encountered many cases where adult children have watched videos like ‘6 Signs Your Mother Is Emotionally Immature’ or ‘3 Signs You Were The Golden Child.’ These videos often provide instant clarity and a sense of relief, but they lack the nuance and thoughtful reflection that a real diagnosis requires.
A real diagnosis takes time, effort, and someone who can truly understand your family. A viral one takes a flashy hook and the comment section filled with ‘Yeah, OMG, wow, this literally describes my mom.’ If this is repeated multiple times, it becomes crystallized, providing the illusion of emotional relief because ‘Now I finally have the answer to why my life sucks.’
This is not about bad adult children or bad parents. It’s not about ‘winning’ by deciding who is at fault. Rather, it’s about staying healthy and close in your relationship with your adult child when you’re being cast as the villain.
Ask For Feelings About The Memory, Not The Label
When your adult child brings up allegations, the most useful question isn’t ‘Is this true?’ Rather, it’s ‘How does it fit us specifically, and how can we give each other the gift of deeper mutual understanding in a respectful way that helps both of us?’
Asking your adult child for feelings about a specific memory can get you a lot further than accepting or defending against a diagnostic term that you didn’t choose. Their pain is real, but the label a stranger gave them may not be.
Where the rubber meets the road is choosing to tell them apart so the relationship can be repaired. By doing so, you can create a safe space for open and honest communication, which is essential for healing and growth.
