Understanding the Importance of Sexual Attraction in Relationships

When it comes to selecting a life partner, many individuals, particularly men, often prioritize qualities such as being a best friend, an amazing mother, or having a compatible family background. However, a crucial aspect that is frequently overlooked is sexual attraction.

Source: media.cnn.com

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, a significant number of his heterosexual male clients have admitted to choosing their partners without considering sexual attraction. This phenomenon raises several questions: Why would someone pick a potential life partner without feeling the spark of sexual attraction? Can these relationships survive and thrive? And can something like sexual attraction that wasn’t there in the first place be cultivated later?

Kerner’s observations suggest that men often prioritize qualities like being a good mother, having a compatible family background, or being a best friend over sexual attraction. This is particularly concerning, as research has shown that sexual attraction plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It serves as a kind of ‘relationship glue’ that helps couples stay together through challenging times.

Why Prioritize Sexual Attraction?

So, why is sexual attraction so important in relationships? Good sex can have a profound impact on both physical and mental well-being. It can help protect against psychological distress, including anxiety and depression, promote a deeper connection between partners, and improve overall relationship satisfaction.

As sex therapist Eva Dillon puts it, ‘If a relationship is a meal, the sexual portion ought to be considered an integral part of it, such as the protein, instead of a frivolous part like dessert.’ In other words, sexual attraction is not just a bonus or a luxury; it’s a fundamental aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

The Impact of Lack of Sexual Attraction

While a lack of sexual attraction may not be a problem for every couple, it can have significant consequences for some. According to sexologist Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, a lack of sexual attraction can lead to infidelity or divorce in some cases. Others may experience a lack of sexual attraction as a result of societal expectations around sex and desire.

Fulbright emphasizes that every couple is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. ‘Only partners can figure out the best way to manage this challenge in their relationship,’ she advises. ‘Non-monogamy may work for some, but not others. Couples need to decide how honest to be with each other, how much this matter is a dealbreaker in staying together versus not, and how much weight should be given to this issue in light of other good things they have going for them.’

Cultivating Desire and Addressing Performance Anxiety

So, what can couples do if they’re experiencing a lack of sexual attraction or performance anxiety? According to Dillon, cultivating desire and addressing performance anxiety often require effort and communication. ‘It often isn’t until our 30s that we get comfortable enough to ask for what we want in bed,’ she notes.

Moreover, sex therapists like Kerner and Dillon stress the importance of being honest with one’s partner about one’s desires and concerns. ‘Honesty, as it turns out, can be a turn-on (eventually),’ Dillon says. By prioritizing open communication and addressing performance anxiety, couples can work towards creating a healthier and more fulfilling sex life.

Conclusion

In conclusion, sexual attraction is a vital aspect of any relationship. While it may not be the only factor, it plays a significant role in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership. By prioritizing sexual attraction and addressing performance anxiety, couples can work towards creating a more satisfying and intimate relationship.