Cultivating Confidence

Young men are searching for belonging and purpose in a world that often seems uncertain and disconnected.

According to Gallup data collected in 2023 and 2024, 25% of U.S. men ages 15 to 34 reported feeling lonely "a lot" during the previous day, compared with 18% of women the same age (Dugan, 2025).

Men are also more likely to misuse drugs, and male overdose mortality rates remain substantially higher than female rates (NIDA, 2020, 2023). The disparity is even more striking in suicide: in 2024, the age-adjusted U.S. suicide rate was 22.2 deaths per 100,000 males compared with 5.6 for females (CDC, 2026a).

These statistics came to mind while watching a CNN segment about the rise of "man camps"—boot-camp-style programs promising greater confidence, practical skills, self-awareness, and dating success.

Their popularity may reflect something deeper than dating anxiety. Many young men seem to be asking not only "How do I become more confident?" but also "Where do I belong, and what does it mean to become a man?"

Doubt and Disconnection

NYU professor Scott Galloway has argued that many young men are increasingly falling behind in education, employment, friendship, and romantic relationships.

Self-doubt may both result from and reinforce this pattern. Academic struggles can erode confidence. Limited economic opportunity may delay independence. Romantic rejection can deepen feelings of inadequacy.

Over time, these experiences can lead some young men to withdraw from precisely the experiences that build resilience, competence, and connection.

Educational trends illustrate the challenge. In 2022, 57% of male high school graduates immediately enrolled in college, compared with 66% of female graduates (NCES, 2024a). Among students entering four-year institutions, men also graduated at lower rates (NCES, 2024b).

College is not the only path to adulthood or success. But when young men disengage from education or vocational training, they may also lose important sources of structure, identity, community, and opportunity.

The Double Bind of Male Vulnerability

One challenge is the conflicting messages boys receive about vulnerability.

They are increasingly encouraged to be emotionally aware, expressive, and compassionate. Yet they also learn that showing too much vulnerability can make them appear weak or less masculine.

This creates a double bind: Can I be emotionally open and still be respected? Will people admire my sensitivity—or lose respect for me?

Healthy vulnerability does not mean emotional oversharing or abandoning strength. It means recognizing emotions, expressing them appropriately, asking for help when needed, and remaining engaged despite the possibility of rejection.

Strength and vulnerability are not opposites. In many ways, to permit oneself to be vulnerable requires a certain type of strength.

Biology Is Not Destiny

A second issue involves biology.

During puberty, testosterone contributes to physical changes including increased muscle mass, sexual maturation, libido, and greater physical strength (Nassar & Leslie, 2023).

Recognizing these influences does not reduce complex human behavior to hormones or excuse harmful conduct; human behavior emerges through the interaction of biology, temperament, family, culture, trauma, peers, opportunity, and personal choice.

Still, avoiding conversations about physical strength, competition, sexuality, anger, or status does boys few favors. When traits commonly associated with masculinity are discussed only as problems to manage, some young men may conclude that an important part of themselves is inherently dangerous or shameful.

Certainly, aggression, coercion, and reckless risk-taking deserve firm limits. But guiding these impulses does not require shaming boys for experiencing ambition, physical energy, competitiveness, anger, or sexual desire.

Instead, the goal is integration.

Physical energy can become athletics, skilled trades, exploration, or service. Competitiveness can fuel mastery and perseverance. Assertiveness can coexist with empathy. Sexual desire can be integrated with patience, mutual respect, and consent. Anger can become information rather than instruction.